We’ve all seen it. A friendly chat turning into a heated argument. Voices rise, tempers flare, and the goal quietly shifts from sharing ideas to proving who’s “right.” Nobody really wins, except maybe the popcorn guy watching from the sidelines!
So why do we argue?:
Most of the time, we want to be heard, respected or taken seriously. That quick burst of “victory” feels good for a moment, until we realise we’ve scorched a perfectly good relationship, and gained nothing but hurt feelings.
The better way:
Shift from a fighting mood to a learning mindset. Next time when the temperature rises, pause. Take a beath. Ask yourself: "Do I want to be right, or do I want to stay connected?"
Tone makes all the difference. Soften it. Choose gentler words. Move from “I think you're wrong…” to “Tell me what you think…?” Listen as if there’s a test later. And a little warm, self-deprecating humour can work wonders; just keep it kind, not sarcastic. Remember, understanding someone isn't surrender; it's opening a door.
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An Age-Old Truth
Over two thousand years ago, Akṣapāda Gautama founded the Nyāya (Logic) school of philosophy and composed the Nyāya Sūtras, its foundational treatise. Centuries later, Annam Bhaṭṭa distilled these ideas in his classic Tarka‑saṅgraha, writing:
“True debate is a joint search for truth, not a battle to defeat the other person.”
Modern psychology repackaged this insight in fancier words. Some popular titles worth exploring:
* Games People Play – Eric Berne
* I’m OK, You’re OK – Thomas Harris
* How to Get What You Want Without Having to Argue – Claude Steiner
Last word:
Nobody ever changed their mind because someone yelled louder. And nobody ends life celebrating an argument they won about pizza toppings!
Choose the bridge. Choose curiosity. The world already has enough battles.
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